A Visit to the DOC!!

After almost 3 months of being at home with a spinal injury, and it not getting any better, I finally gave in to my mother's consistent demands of me visiting an accupressure/magnetotherapy specialist. I had been arguing with her for 2 months that I wont go for accupressure et al since its of no use and such things don't work, but when my cousin, who had a similar problem some time back, insisted that I go visit this doctor who he had been to, and also said that his condition had improved considerably, I had no choice but to give in.

Doc : "Since when have you had this problem?"
Me : "Around 4 months now"
Doc : "OMG! You should have come to me long back"
Mother : "Seee... I TOLD you... (To the Doc)I've been telling him the same thing for so long but he just doesn't listen to me"

This one hour is going to suck big time, I say to myself.

After 20 "Extremely painful" minutes of some wooden shit being pierced into my body at every location possible and a lot of "mental" oooh's and aaah's and ouch's, she asks me "What is your diet these days. Start from breakfast to dinner and tell me in detail" while placing lots of electrodes on different areas of my back, buttocks and leg. And I think "What are you? My Mom???" followed by "Well, since I get up at 11 in the morning...." and before I could finish what I was trying to tell her she says "Morning? 11 am is morning according to you? Anyways, continue". Wow! These sessions are going to be reeaalll fun dude.. Enjoy!! says the voice in my head. Yup, there's this crazy voice in my head that has been hauting me for at least 10 years now; it kinda sounds like chip and dale - the Disney cartooon chip and dale (the chipmunks), I'm sure you must have seen it; I think they call it "a conscience". In my case, I call it the "stupid, irritating, always telling me what I don't want to hear, good for nothing, crappy, snappy, voice", but that's just me....

Anyways, ignoring the voice, I continued. "So I have a glass of milk when I get up, and then I have 2 chapatis for lunch an-----". Interruption again, this time by my mother!
"He doesn't have any fruits, no green vegetables, no salad. You tell him, he'll listen to you" -- "Hey, I DO have salad" and then to myself "What makes you think I will listen to her???". "Well, not as much as you should have". The doc says "It's okay, let him continue"... Ahhh, the Doc's not that bad afterall, I think. "Yeah, so then I have something to eat during the evening, some biscuits, lassi maybe, and then one or two chapatis for dinner, depending on how hungry I am".
"And I thought children today were literate enough to understand the importance of a balanced diet. How old are you? 21 you say? Haven't you been taught how important are nutrients for the body? Don't you read newspapers? Magazines? There is so much awareness about all of this these days!!".... "Whoa Whoa Whoa lady! I have a mother and father at home to give me a lecture about this everyday, and you would only hope that I would listen to them, so don't even bother starting!!" --- No, unfortunately, I did not (rather, could not) say it to her. I sat there like a little girl unable to say anything. But she did not stop there. "From tomorrow onwards, you will get up at 8 everyday; (To my mom) Wake him up everyday at 8, make him go for a walk, give him a glass of milk and some gooseberries washed with water (WTF!!!!!) and some almonds... Then after an hour, give him some light breakfast (ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????) and then give him lots of fruits and salad and curd with lunch, some blah blah blah....".

By the time she finished talking about lunch, my brain was about to explode with all the rants that the voice in my head had been giving me from the time she mentioned that I was supposed to get up at 8 and have gooseberries and I had become deaf by then (Gooseberry is english for "amla" btw, for those of you who did not know what it is. I read it off the huge box that my mom just bought from the market which was followed by a great deal of shouting and angry retorts from both sides). When finally I was able to get back to the real world around me, I realized that she was onto what I should "NOT" be having now, which included "dal makhni", "rajma rice", "chana" and a few other things after that that I cant remember coz the voice was back by the time she said rajma rice. She also added that I should not watch TV with my neck raised coz it'll lead to cervical as well!!! Great! No more late night chats, no more late night matches, and to top it all, no more of good food and TV!! Why don't you chain me up and put me in a 6 feet by 6 feet cell? (Add an AC to that please... It's fkn hot)

Finally, the beep in the machine told us that it was time and I thanked my stars for that. "So, what time tomorrow? Shall we keep it at 8.30 am?". "Kill me God... Kill me coz I can't take it any more". "Can we keep it sometime in the evening please?". "Let me check. Ummm, fine, lets keep it for 5 then. But that does not mean you will not get up early from tomorrow". If only I could imagine the jubilation my mother must have been feeling at that time.

P.S.: Moral of the story - 1. Never go to a doc with your Mom.
2. Never go to a Accupressure specialist.
On a serious note - Never get you back broken!!!!!!!!!