Monday, March 1, 2010

My Sketches...

Friday, February 26, 2010


I NEED TO BLOG!!! A-FUCKING-SAP!!!! Enough ho gaya ab toh!!!

Friday, January 1, 2010

From Jan to December

I started writing this post 3 days back but due to lack of time (thanx to someone!!!), I'll have to change the only line I had written 3 days back from "As the year comes to an end, I thought I'll" to "Now that the year has finally come to an end, I thought I'll" finally dedicate a post to the oh-so-sweet happenings of the past year and write this memoir!

The year began as usual with the semester-ly shopping with Stud_launda and the night at his flat - NOT drunk!!

Jan beginning - I remember the Guess Jeans, and the OMG cheap woodland keychain (Rs 15 ONLY) and the Stephanie Meyer series, still lying in my cupboard - unread. Just how can someone read those books is what I fail to fathom. It took me 7 months to finish Twilight and trust me when I say that it was one of the stupidest books ever to be read by me. No offense meant to the ardent fans of Stephanie Meyer and the entire series and Bella and Edward (read "the overly white, stupid vampire"). - No offense Neha, Shamps, Chinki.

Jan, Feb, Mar - I remember the entire planning that went into planning the Stanford trip.

Jan, Feb, Mar - I remember planning for Vegas. The almost everyday discussions about what we'll do. Strip Club etiquette's. Vegas Baby!! Getting the bookings done. Planning the trip to the last detail.

Feb - I remember the high jumps over the chair in the hostel wing.

Feb, March, Apr, May, Jun, Jul, Aug, Sept, Oct, Nov, Dec - The back pain.

Vanya - my 1.5 yr old niece.

Daksh. My 1.5 yr old nephew.

Feb, March - Poltu. The campaigning. "baawa jeet rahe hain is baar toh. Tum count dekho bas, count!!!). And the "Fuck ho gaya yaar. Kuchh nai nikla. Clean sweep tha".

March end - I remember the visit to the orthopedic in Artemis. The wait for the MRI scan. The silence that ensued. The prescriptions. The physiotherapy sessions. and blah blah blah.

March end - I remember the entire family meetings over what to do about the vegas/stanford/hong kong/los angeles trip. I remember the cancellation of the trip 3 days before I was supposed to fly thanks to the ruptured disk in my back.

Jan, Feb - The so called CAT prep. Joining Career Launcher. Wasting 30000 bucks. "Nai yaar. Tu dekh. Padhenge yaar. CAT nikaalenge". I wonder what happened to all of that now. I could have used that money for a Nikon D90. Kuchh photography hi seekh leta yaar. Damn! :D

Throughout the year - The Proxies. The almost getting caught. The I don't give a damn attitude - fukka lagega toh lagega. Main nai ja raha class attitude.

The loooong ISD phonecalls with Miss NRI.

May, Jun, Jul - The summer vacations. The fraud-est intern ever. The back pains continuing.

May to present (and hoping it continues forever) - the seemingly endless phonecalls with Miss Chatterbox, henceforth referred to as "The Girl". The fights. Ego. Not calling/picking up the phone for days/ the reconciliation. The flirting. The cribbing. And so on.

Over the last year - The consolidation of friendship between "FOUR IDIOTS" - Stud_launda, Kallu, Keeda, and of course Me.

August to November - BTP (so called). Nabbi frustrated. The weekly ppts. Last moment - "oye kya kiya jaldi bata". "I don't see you working, Sharad. It won't work this way".

Man City vs Man Utd. WHAT A MATCH!!!

The failed attempt to write a book.

Last Rendezvous.

Perfecting the CV.

I remember the day my wallet was stolen. The ATM card, License, Id Card gone along with it. The hope of finding it back. The dream of finding it back.

October - The road trips. Mussourie. Amritsar. The best-maggi-ever-tasted on the way to Mussourie. The roadside burger at Wagah Border. Verbal jousting over brain curry. Jalianwallah Bagh. "Anda". Haveli. Six lane expressway. 22%, 18%, 30%, 30%. Saalon, gaadi seekh ke aana december mei. We're not driving next time onwards. Missing the minors. TO LONG DRIVES AND MANY MORE SUCH "IMPROMPTU" TRIPS.

CAT Mock tests.

My phone data getting wiped. All contacts lost.

17th October - New Car.

Fretting over what to do in future. Job. Dad's business. MBA. etc etc.

28th November - The Girl.

29th December - CAT. Finally!!!

1st December - Packing the bags. Going back home.

2nd December - "Dad, I'm not sitting for placements. I don't think my back can take a 12 hour exertion everyday". The look that he gave me after that.

3rd December. Packing the bags again and returning back to hostel to get a job.

5th December - Interview. The Girl coming over. Successfully placed.

"Mom, I'm committed. D'ya want to meet her"?? The look. The reaction. Who. When. How. Why. As if I was asking her to get me married the next day. Phew!

The fights. The misunderstandings. Getting pissed over nothing. The AWESOME times. Love. Friendships. Food. Trips. Movies. Family.

The visit to The Girl's place. Her Dad. Her mom. Her bro. Honey. "I think she liked me. Wotsay??"

To sum it up

May you have lots of fun this year.

May you have lots of sex this year.

May you succeed in whatever you do this year.

May you be healthy.

May you gain lot of wealth this year.

To all the jobless out there, may you get placed this year.

And if the above does not happen, well, say like Amir Khan says "Aal Izz Well".

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Life is blah!

*** I wrote the initial part of this post long back but could not complete it, so most of it is irrelevant now but considering how lazy I am, I choose to let it be. ***

Long time huh... Just been caught up with things... Nah, nothing important.. just the usual - movies (obsession is back at the wrong time), phone (to which I'm chipkoed all day), tv (watch the lamest of stuff as well - yesterday i watched NO ENTRY for the 15th time coz there was nothing good on television after the match which sadly, the fuckers lost), classes (that i don't go for - might just end up getting attendance F leading to an extension of my oh-so-lovely degree), major project (for which I don't do anything - my lab partner is on the verge of ratting me out to my supervisor), CAT prep (I dream about cracking the exam without any preparation. What? Its not as pathetic as it sounds), job preparation (for which, again, i'm not doing anything - have a broken back. how the eff will i work - its amazing how the human brain can come up with excuses to get out of just ANYTHING) - And today ladies and brothers, I'm here to talk about life.

I was watching Weeds few days back (Its a TV show). And Andy and Silus have a conversation which goes like this "Silus! Life is just blah blah blah. You hope for blah.. and sometimes u find it, but mostly its blah, waiting for blah. and hoping u r rite abt the blahs u made. and thn just whn u think u hv the whole blah'd damn thing figured out, surrounded by those u blah, death shows up.. and blah.. blah.. blah... "

What a perfect description ain't it? I would have agreed a few days back with that, but now I choose to differ. Life has taken an unexpected turn lately - and in a good way thankfully... I was tired of all the shit happening for sooo long. What is that is something I can't reveal as of now but one day sure. In time, everyone will know for sure. And so coming back to what dear Andy said about life - Well, life's not blah, blah blah. Life is love. Life is learning. Life is friendship. Life is perseverance. Life is patience. Life is strength. Life is crying. Life is being overjoyed. Life is sex. Life is growing old. Life is caring. Life is feeling. Life is fighting. Life is making up. Life is all of this and much more. But most importantly, life is LIVING.

LIVING - sustenance, existence, being alive, lifelike. But what is the truest meaning of living? What defines what is living? What is spirit? What is love? What is living without love? What is living with hatred, with grudges? What is life spent frustrated? What is life spent doing nothing? You come empty handed, you go empty handed. What matters is what you choose to do after u come empty handed and before u leave empty handed. What matters is what you make of it. Who says you have to do anything in life? You come, you eat, you sleep, you die.

What is it that makes one happy truly? Money? Big house? New cars? What does the society have to offer to us? tranquilizers and psychiatrists? Beer? Vodka? What do you do when u want to forget about everything? When you are too frustrated to do anything? Beer? Whiskey? Vodka? I'd say, try good food. Really cools me down. I'm never as happy as I am after good food. Satiated. Happy. Content.

Right?? OH FUCK IT.. Who the hell am I kidding? Life was always blah and it'll always BE blah!!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Ahhh Women...

I am sick and tired of writing absolute crap on my blog to the extent that i have stopped forcing people to go read it now... I value other's time a bit too much and asking people to stop by something I myself don't like reading afterwards - well, its better to not make them read it than have to listen to all sorts of statements like "Why the eff do you even write?", and "You must think I'm too vella to read what you just made me read - well surprise!! I have a life.. You get one too"... Ok, no, no one really said that (THEY BETTER NOT) but I'm sure these are the sentiments of some of them. Anyways, point is, I'm trying my level best to get over the Writer's Block I have had to face for quite sometime now.

Women. Women. Women.

What was God thinking before creating one? I mean I like the whole physical package and all; I'm talking otherwise.

OMG!!!!!!!! Before I continue, I would like to share with you all this very vital piece of information. I just googled 'Women' and you know what the wiki snippet says?? LMFAO... Behold gentlemen coz this is funny. Woman - Wikipedia encyclopedia - "in mature women, the breast is generally more prominent than in most mammals; this prominence, not necessary for milk production, is probably at least partially the result of sexual selection". :D :D I wonder what they'll say for men. Probably - "In mature men, the breast is generally NOT prominent than in most mammals". NOTE : The stress is being laid here on 'generally'. :D

It also gives an image of a naked woman on top right corner with the label as "A woman in her 20s". And I thought wiki and google were nudity-free.

Turning away from the physical characteristics, lets make an attempt to throw some light on the way women are (I was planning to go for "why women are the way they are, but soon realized that not only is it outside the scope of this blog, it's also way outside the scope of what my dear brain can ever process). Although, its not safe for me to write this one publicly. Going by the number of female friends I have, I'll probably be dead before the next sunrise.

Now, its a well known fact that the narcissist factor of a female sexuality is a very dominant one. "Mirror mirror on the wall, who in the land is fairest of them all". Isn't that what the queen asked the mirror? Never before has a guy come even close to understanding the obsession that women have with the mirror. And i seriously doubt it'll ever happen in the centuries to come. But just WHY do you women have to spend so much time looking at yourself? WHY do you have to deck up so much before going out just ANYwhere? I think a girl looks much more beautiful without putting any make-up. And I'm sure most guys would agree. No I'm not saying don't get your manicures and pedicures and your eyebrows done and waxing et al. (eww it'll be gross if you don't get that done) but other than that, just put on a nice dress and that's it.

An advice for all committed ladies out there - you don't necessarily have to don the shortest skirt you own while going out with your boyfriends. They love you for who you are and NOT for how well you dress up while going out. And if he does, well, he's naught but a loser, a douche-bag and a worthless piece of shit and you should seriously start considering other much better options rather than wasting your precious time (I'm single btw ;)). You see, life's too short to be spent being with someone who doesn't deserve you. NO MATTER how much you "love" him (or think you do).

Moving on.

Ever had to wait for your girlfriend when you were to go for movies or lunch or dinner or whatever? OF COURSE you have. I fail to understand just why why why why why can they never be on time, like EVER??? I used to think that maybe its some IST funda. Maybe the IST invariably runs 45 minutes behind schedule for you guys, but I have just come to realize its a worldwide phenomenon. The day a female is less than 20 minutes late, you just thank your stars Mister. I remember once I had to meet this friend of mine for the first time. First date. I reached CP at 12 and called her up when I was told she'll be there in 5 minutes. She turned up at 1.15. The reason? When she told me she was in the metro, she was actually arguing with her hostel warden to let her go. Then she went back, changed, took a metro from civil lines and finally met me at 1.15!!!!!!! Does the time actually run slow for you guys or your moms didn't teach you right to read time off a watch? Or is it the chemical processes going on inside your brains that prevent you from realizing what time is it? Huh?

Enough said.

Shopping is something I would not touch since I have devoted one whole post to it earlier which can be found here. Trust me. NOT a very good experience.

I'm going to watch Blue movie today - wait that came out totally wrong. Let me rephrase. I'm going to watch the movie 'Blue'. Sounds better. Although I've heard its like watching Discovery Channel with FTV in between :D

But I digress.

Okay, since I have to pick up Miss Sunshine in 45 minutes and I have to take a shower as well before that (see, THAT's what I'm talking about. Take a shower, get ready, pick her up from a place 15 minutes way from here - all in 45 minutes - That's how we do it), I'll end this post here although there are many more things I would like to discuss.

But the crux of the matter is that women are women. They always were like this. They always will be like this.
And no matter how hard we try, we can never really understand why they are the way they are. And after all, who really wants them to be different right? Coz we love 'em for what they are, we hate 'em for what they are. We get irritated by the smallest of things they do, we also love those things at the same time. We might crib about how different they are, we adore them for that very thing. And lets face it - we can't live without 'em.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Mussourie or Mussoorie?

After much contemplation, going through over 200 different templates for my blog, uploading and re-uploading and changing and re-changing them, I finally decided to go with this one. Also, I finally changed the blog title.

Anyhoo, it was minor time again. It was the daily "Where to go for dinner tonight" meeting in my room, and like the countless times before, the same issue was raised - "Shame on us for not being able to go on an out-station trip in 2 years." But it was different this time because 2 hours post this conversation, we were in the car driving to Mussourie. Now I'm not very sure if its Mussourie or Mussoorie. Google gives both, but I'll go with Mussourie coz I like it better.

So, after giving it much thought (or NOT), the 4 of us decided to miss all the exams in the 2 days to come and packed our bags for a 29 hour trip to Mussourie. Yes, 29 only. I could not have missed the last exam. Degree at stake people. I pity poor Stud_Launda. Had to drive for around 10 hrs out of the 15 hrs effectively that we drove. Rest was done by me. Kallu was the navigator and well, Keeda was the useless tag-along that we carried around with us in the car. All the asshole did was sleep and eat and drink and smoke while lying on the back seat. Buhloody unproductive dickhead. So the next road trip that we have, he's going to contribute something. If not anything else, he'll at least be my bitch for the whole trip.

Delhi-Dehradoon-Mussourie-Kempty(Campty) Falls-Dehradoon-Delhi all covered in 29 hours. A car, smoke, scotch, beer, music, 4 people, awesome weather - Bliss!! What was the point of going out for just over a day? So much travel, tiredness? Well, in one word - FUN. Though 2 of us ended up missing out on 2 exams each, and I ended up fucking up mine big time (Imagine yourself hanging upside down from the ceiling. Then imagine the most brutal, most merciless rape that you can. That is what I went through in that one hour of the exam. One-buhloody-hour) and also fucking up my already-screwed-up-back but it will remain probably one of the best trips I went out on.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Just Like That

I would be branded as an idiot if people in IIT found out that I'm sitting at home since 2 days and 45 hours before the CV deadline watching TV, sitting online all day long and well, blogging. My Gchat is filled with people's statuses ranging from "21 years into 2 pages - well done seniors" to "only if u knew it all in the beginning, it wouldn't have ended, the way it will now...maybe or maybe not" and "Why don't you realize it can't get shorter than this" and I want to scream something like "Why the eff don't you compile a thesis of 21*365 pages - one for each pathetic day of your life huh??"

No, this post is not meant for venting out any thing. I come to you tonight because I'm bored and I don't want to look at that CV of mine. I'm bored of trying to sell myself off to the best buyer; bored of trying to make myself look like a ruby studded bracelet - orrrr... whatever, I'm just blabbing. I'm sure you get the point.

3 reminders in 48 hours that its my birthday in 15 days. Don't know what is the big deal about bdays anyways. Why be so happy when you know you are stepping into another fucked up year of your life, just having gotten out of one. Last year, I din't remember it was my bday in less than 5 hours until someone asked me about the plans. No, that's not boring. Just mature I think. When you know that birthdays are a cause for celebration not because you were brought to this worldly, mortal, pathetic existence on that particular day but because you are left with one less year of it. For me, just another day. Life ain't that pathetic after all. You see, I'm getting a new i20 on that day.

Saw a few scenes of P.S. I Love you today - AGAIN!! And before I knew it, I was tasting salty drops of water - AGAIN!! They should ban that movie. I don't even have to put in any effort to cry. They just flow, like they have a friggin' mind of their own. The only movie that makes me cry by the way.

I desperately need a haircut. My hair stylist at Madonna, the one I've been going to for the last one year, quit. And now I don't know what to do. I love my hair too much to be mutilated by some jackass. But I better get one before my mom comes back and sees the horrid state they are in. She's in Malaysia with my dad. A 4 day vacation. Good for them. I just hope they get me a Nikon D60. I highly doubt it though.

Shraaad and Navratras got over last sunday. And I was being a nice boy, not eating chicken for the whole 30 day period. And trust me, I felt like a chaste whore, abstaining myself from all worldly sexual pleasure, and there was no better feeling when I tore apart those 4 pieces of chicken at KFC on monday. Life without chicken can be a bitch, I tell you.

A friend of mine had her status as "My mom knows more hot guys my age than I do. Such is life". I bet her mom knows more hot females my age too, more than I do. And I guess I need to pay her a visit. Well, I guess anyone would know more hot females than I do, anyone who is not stuck in a world where the closest you'll come to a hot female would be at a distance of 10 inches from your face and a 14" laptop screen separating you from her, and your hand you-know-where and you'll wonder, what did I do wrong in my previous life to have to go through this, to have to suffer the curse of chastity for the four most what-could-have-been glorious years of my life. But like my dear friend said - "Such is life!!!"

Enough said.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

"WHY" is the question...

why (hw, w)
For what purpose, reason, or cause; with what intention, justification, or motive: Why is the door shut? Why do birds sing?
1. The reason, cause, or purpose for which: I know why you left.
2. Usage Problem On account of which; for which: "The reason why [regular verbs] are called regular is that we can predict what all the other three forms are" (Randolph Quirk).

Since there'll be a lot of "whys" in this post, there is a very high probability some of you might just lose track of what I'm saying and forget the meaning of the word "why" but there is no need to panic coz all you have to do in a situation like that is to scroll all the way to the top of the post to see the meaning of the word "why", courtesy The Free Online Dictionary - Okay, I'm just stalling. I was thinking of what to write in this post. Now I know.

Those of you who know me would have figured out by now that the only reason I'm writing this post is because I haven't updated my blog in a very long time and when I don't have any good topic to write on and its just the compelling need to write "something" at least, I come up with absolutely random useless posts suitable only for those to read who like me have nothing better to do in their futile existence and for those of you who don't know me, well, read this one and you'll get a good idea of what I'm talking about. Also, I'm pretty sure by now most of the people would have left reading this post only because of the fact that they would not have been able to comprehend the pointless long sentences I have been writing above. Don't know why the obsession but that's the way I am. For those who have been able to persevere, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Last two nights, I have been unable to sleep thanks to the mosquitoes in my room. Today I woke up to blood on my bed sheet and the first thing I said to myself was "Oh fuck, how can there be blood on my sheet.. my menstrual cycle is not due for another birth!!!!!" only to realize one of those buggers managed to suck the blood out of all possible naked places on my body and ended up getting squished under me. I broke my spectacles few days back and so I can't see the buggers in my room, and since I can't see the buggers in my room, I can't kill the buggers in my room; since I can't kill the buggers in my room, the buggers take advantage of the fact that I can't kill the buggers in my room and hence they try to suck me off instead.
And I'm too lazy and forgetful to go buy an ALL OUT for my room!!! Few years hence, who knows I'll probably be saying the same thing about my kids. Delete the "me killing them part", but the blood sucking part remains.

Note the "probably" in the above sentence. That doesn't mean though that I don't love kids, or I don't want them. HELL YES I love kids. I love to spend the entire day with my 1 year old niece or my 1 year old nephew (no, they're not twins) and the only thing I look forward to while going back home is to meet them. The reason why I said "probably" above is due to a few other physical constraints which I'd rather not divulge in public. No you sick fuckers. Every reproductive part in my body is fully functional. Anyways, lets leave it here.

Went to the International Book Fair at pragati maidan few days back. Pathetic collection of books. Still I managed to buy four of them only to add to the stack of the already 15 plus unread
books in my cupboard gathering dust day by day. Not counting an almost equal number lying in a cupboard at my home as well. Have started reading "The Heart of Darkness" by Joseph Conrad. 100 pages only. Also bought "Blink - Malcolm Gladwell", "Don Quixote - Cervantes" and "The Winner Stands Alone - Paulo Coelho". I hope to finish them off by the end of this academic year. If anyone wants a good read, I strongly recommend "The Time Traveller's Wife" by Audrey Niffeneger. One of my favourites. Chetan Bhagat had come for the signing of his books at the Rupa & Co. stall.

"Mummy, Chetan Bhagat is here. Chetan Bhagat!!!!" exclaimed a nearly 17 yr old girl almost jumping while clutching her mother's arm - Yes woman, we get it. You're young, he's good looking and he's famous. But he's married for God's sakes; stop behaving like you'll have an orgasm if he shook hands with you, not in front of your mother at least!!!!

"Hey Chetan Bhagat is here."
"Arre Chetan Bhagat, the author of Five Point Someone" - Wake up kids!! Who doesn't know Chetan Bhagat!!! IITian, investment banker, author of 3 not so good, but definitely famous books!!!

Video coverage and all. Nice to see the importance and fame writers have started to get in our God forsaken country.

Keeda and I have managed to finally kick start the novel we were planning to write, so YAAAYYY to us. The prologue is almost done. The first chapter has been started. For those of you who are thinking how the TWO of us are planning to write a novel together (personally, I have never heard of a fiction being written by 2 authors), I'll write the story, the descriptive part, and he'll edit/modify/improve/add to it using his - I hate to admit it - impressive vocabulary; the narrative part basically, if you know what I mean.

Getting to the point of this post, I was originally planning to put down a few unanswered questions and a few things which have been bugging me for quite some time but sometimes I lose track of time when I start writing random stuff and keep writing and keep writing and now I have other businesses to attend to so I'll probably get back to writing what I set out to write some other time.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Lamenting the loss of the wallet

Yes it's true.. I lost my wallet a few days back and along with it I lost my DL, my Id Card, my ATM card, my medical card and a lot of other cards and some cash as well... And wallet ko shradhaanjali arpit karte hue main appke saamne prastut karna chahta hun ek swayam likhit kavita jiska shirshak hai "Mera Pyara Wallet"

Mera pyara, mera nyara
kala kala, button wala
Ghum hua ghum hua
Wallet ghum hua

Saath hua ghum
ek card, dooja card;
hua ghum teeja bhi card
aur card chautha
aur paanchhva (and so on)

Naya naya, woodland wala
sale mei khareeda
achhi leather wala
ghum hua ghum hua
wallet ghum hua

Yahan dhoonda,
wahaan dhoonda
jaane kahaan kahaan dhoonda
lekin nai mila nai mila
Wallet nai mila

Notice lagaya
Chakkar lagaye
Jaane kitne dhakke bhi khaye
lekin nai mila, nai mila,
Wallet nai mila

Jaane kahan chali gayi hai
yeh saali khushi
jab se
ghum hua ghum hua
wallet ghum hua


:D :D :D :D

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The one where we Fight and Talk and Crib and (not)shop and have an AMAZING DAY :)

Normally, I would be crying over Miss NRI leaving for the U S of A but I've decided I would wait for the time she actually does leave and spare my readers the trouble and frustration of reading about me crib and cry and rant over and over again (I can't help it, life's taken a liking towards raping me in the ass and being just too mean to me recently).

Anyways, Miss NRI wanted so desperately to go to Citywalk and Big Chill and Janpath and IIT once before she goes back and so the three of us (Miss Perfect Wife Material included) made a plan for today. The day started with me showing her my campus, from Wind t to SBI to hostels to Diro's Lodge ("What the F is Diro??" was what she asked.. Lol!!). Then we went to Citywalk where they entered every store there is and ended up (not) shopping (a lot) and I to force Miss NRI to buy something for herself from my side and she finally ended up buying a lame-ass bracelet that I hated but did not have the heart to tell her that. Had Sushi for the first time there... There's a small stall kinda thing (don't remember the name) on the first floor in front of a showroom (don't remember the name again). It didn't taste as bad or gross as I always thought it to be but it wasn't that great either. Someone suggest a good sushi place in Delhi please!!

From "that's really looking good" to "YES IT'S GOOD" to "pleaseeee kuchh toh le lo" to a few pics here and there to "Behave, and the lunch is on me", it was overall a very tiring 2 hours. There was a decision to be made between Hard Rock Cafe and Big Chill and since the two of them did not wanna drink and I did not wanna spend 2000 bucks, we decided on Big Chill.

"I really like this place". "Yeah, its better than the Khan Market wala Big Chill". "I prefer Sartoria food over Big Chill". "Guys, lets order, I'm hungry".

1 thin crust pizza, 1 veg. ravioli, 1 baked penne and chicken meatballs, 1 fresh lime, 1 mississippi mudpie, 1 mango yogurt (yuck!!), a lot of pictures, hell lot of random talking, me pissed off at NRI, some serious "What the hell are you going to do with your career" talks, and not to mention, Rs. 2058 ka bill was what happened at Big Chill. Add to it a verry cute chick, RIN SUPREME (safedi ki chamkaar) complexion, sexy legs in "short" shorts sitting in front of me - BLISS!!!

After buying a huge, customized "powerpuff girls" cake, few more pics, traffic on BRT, "If you had to choose one, what would be the quality that you'd like in your wife", parting hugs and hand shakes, uploading the pics on facebook, and "I'm already missing you (sob-sob)... pleaaase don't go back" phonecall, here I am writing the events of today. Dunno when I'll meet her again but today was one of the best days I've had in a very long time. Thanks and Love ya :)

And now I wanna watch Kaminey. Anyone game??

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

If "Wishes Were Horses", among other trivial and not-so-trivial things

That must have been my longest blog title ever I think.... "Its high time we shold start writing the book yaar" I said to Keeda while driving back from the insti main gate after I tried (and succeeded) in snatching the lemon lick lolly that he was having. "Shit, I forgot about it... Karte hain yaar start". Now everyone here knows that the plans that he and I make seldom get completed, take CAT preparation for example. "Dekh, I can't do it on my own, I'm completely dependent on you for this... It's your responsibility to study, AND to make ME study", I remember telling him this sometime in January beginning when the blood was warm and everyone was in the phase of starting preparations for CAT and joining one coaching institute or the other. "Don't worry yaar, main hun na... main kara dunga tu tension mat le" said he, in his typical why-worry-when-I'm-there tone which harldy ever holds true though. All Keeda does is make BIG EMPTY promises and then either gets bored of them in a while, or forgets about them, or becomes completely indifferent to them without caring about the consequences. "Nai yaar, not CAT. I don't wanna live this similar-to-IIT-but-ten-times-worse-and-rigorous life for another 2 years. GMAT padhte hain and bahar chalenge yaar" was what he told me the last time I tried convincing him to get back in the CAT phase. I DID however try to force him physically as well. Almost cruched his chicken-leg-thick arm to get him to give a mock CAT until he said he would. But then agian, its Keeda, so, enough said. And as far as the book is concerned, well, lets just hope we are able to start it at least, if not finish it by the end of this year(*). But lets not digress. Ranting was not the aim of this post (that's reserved for Fridays under "Friday's Rant Post" label) so I shall get to what this post was meant for.

As the title suggests, here I shall crib about what I could have done, or would have happened, or I wish would happen, instead of cribbing about what has been happening at present (unlike my last 2 posts).

So without further ado, lets begin.

I wish I would have started learning guitar when I was young instead of when I was 18. And once I did start, I would have pursued it further and practiced it regularly. I wish I would have paid attention to the chords and what he was trying to teach me instead of looking at the hot chick sitting in the other room learning drums from another teacher. Now, my guitar is lying in some corner of my home gathering dust, and the strings are getting rusted.

I wish I would not have wasted so much of my time fighting with friends, staying angry at them, holding grudges against them. Friends, who mattered to me. Friends, who meant the world to me.

I wish Keeda, Stud_Launda, Kallu and I would have become such close friends much before. Wouldn't have missed out on so many what-could-have-been drunk nights. ;-)

I wish I was doing something more constructive and worthwhile with my life than just wasting it watching movies and getting drunk at every oppurtunity I could find.

I wish I would not have jumped over that chair on that god forsaken night that led to the state my back is in right now. (Dunno when I'll be able to get laid, if that would be possible ever)

I wish - I was going to say "had wings" but then I would hate to die in a plane crash, so lets chuck it out the window. I think I'm capable of sleeping mid air. (At least I'd like to think so)

Window reminds me, my room is on the ground floor and machharon ki sankhya din par din badhti hi chali ja rahi hai hence I can't even open the windows of my room and it is SO FUCKING HUMID AND HOT IN HERE.

I wish I was able to record the cat fight we just witnessed on camera. And by cat fight, I mean it literally. We just saw two cats, yellow-and-white colored, and black-and-white colored, fight with each other ferociously. Lets call the yellow-and-white colored cat as Alisha, and black-and-white colored cat as Sampada (first 2 names that came to my mind). Lets hope they were female :D . Keeda and I were cheering for Alisha (sorry sampu baby). So the fight went something like this : Alisha and Sampada would look at each other for 30 seconds, panting, then would meow at each other for further 15 seconds trying to scare each other off, and then one would jump over the other trying her level best to bite a chunk of skin off the other one. Now I'm just assuming that the 2 were females, I didn't really check it out. We saw the cats fighting while we were coming back from the main gate but it intrigued me so much that it prompted me to go to my room and get the camera. Anyways, the point is I could not capture it on camera coz there wasn't proper lighting. I did click some pics though with flash. By the end of 5 minutes, Sampada was bleeding and it was then that I felt sorry for her and felt remorse for watching them fight while enjoying it and so I tried to scare the 2 off but they were so "into" the fight that they did not really bother much about a 5 feet 8 inch man trying to scare them off and they still continued trying to tear each other apart. And since I'm scared of touching cats ever since a 3 day old cat baby snatched me on my hand when I was 8, I could not really do anything and Keeda said "Lets go to the room".

Cats remind me, we have a lot of cats in our hostel, and their purpose is to scare off the rats (athough, I saw a huge rat once in the mess store). And I love to play the meow game with cats sometimes. The game goes something like this : I meow after seeing the cat, and the cat meows back, and we continue it till someone gets tired or someone scares the cat away after getting frustrated listening to the two of us go meow after meow. Normally the game doesn't last more than 45-50 seconds coz the cat gets tired but I remember, the game once lasted for over 80 meows (both of us combined) in Karakoram hostel's mess while there was a eDC meeting going on some time last semester. Now its not as lame as it sounds, trust me. Its fun.

I wish people would stop butting into other's lives and for a change look into their own. I wish they would stop behaving their looser-ish selves and grow up.

I wish IIT alumni would STOP thinking about poltu and get out of the hostel mode and concentrate on what lies ahead. There is nothing worse than getting stuck in the transition phase between IIT life and further, coz lets face it, IIT life is an illusion. IIT does make you strong and independent and prepared for future life by fucking you upside down and gang-raping you at every opportunity it can find, but still, it can come as a shock-of-their-life to some when this illusion breaks and they actually get out of here and face the "real life". And that's the time when they get stuck in the above mentioned transition phase and find it difficult to move on.

I wish I was a good orator and writer and writing and public speaking came naturally to me.

I wish I was taller and not so over-weight.

I wish I'll be able to finish the previously mentioned book. I really really really want to.

That's it for now. My brain is fried and I have an assignment to make and submit tomorrow coz the rest of the 3 people in my group don't really care about it. Assholes!!!

(*) In above mentioned characteristics about Keeda in the first paragraph, the names Keeda and Sharad are interchangeable.

Friday, July 31, 2009

The Friday Rant Post

Okay, I just opened my blog and realized that I have written only 2 posts in July against 11 in ten days of May, and 6 in June, which is ultimately forcing me to write this another one just to increase the number to 3 so you out there don't think that I've lost the steam.. Well, let me tell you dear readers that that is NOT the case.

It's just that life is overly hectic right now with everything ranging from new semester to adding courses to time table to boring courses to messed up back to intern presentations to training diaries to training reports to other presentations to attending classes to getting up at 0600 hrs to forming tut groups to -- well lets just stop it here before all the unfinished work gives me a stroke.... But since its 2311 hrs and I have only 48 minutes and a few seconds to finish it and post it, I'd rather hurry.

Coupled also is the fact that I don't know what to write about. I have a single room on the ground floor (I can't climb the stairs) while all my friends are on the third floor so it gets pretty boring sometimes. I could talk about that, but I'm not really in the mood. Then of course, there's the scorching, boiling, blistering, burning, roasting heat and the sun. Then there is the disturbed sleep and the irritating dreams. Also, we have the agonizing back pain sometimes extending all the way to the toes. The untouched CAT prep packages and the lined up, unattempted mock CATs. The burden of reviving eDC. My new found love for lick lollies. December and the placements. The longing for a true love (OMG!! that was soo gay :D:D). Section 377. (Where the fuck is all this coming from!!!) Hehhe, I'm kidding. I have no such hidden desires, neither the longing for "true love", nor Section 377. Barclay's Premier League. The longing for Not Just Paranthas ka chicken tikka parantha (9" tandoori). I could go on and on and on about the stuff going on in my life but who the heck cares right?

28 minutes to 0000 hrs and 36 minutes of battery left. There's a reunion of my class 10th batch tomorrow but unfortunately I won't be able to make it and for that, I would like to express my gratitude to the excruciating pain in my back. Also, I went for physiotherapy today after almost 2 months. And I have a blocked nose. A BLOCKED nose in JULY and 38 degrees Celsius. How the fuk does one get a blocked nose in this heat!!!! And a huge mosquito bite on my left thigh, the area is DARK RED and it hurts like hell....

And now I have Miss R U Mad on the phone cribbing over her BAD hair style and she's about to have a nervous breakdown over it pretty soon so I'll take a leave. This takes my July total posts to THREE (I've mentioned that before I think) and I'm happy :)

Monday, July 27, 2009

Whatever you wanna call it

This post was initially meant to describe a wonderful beginning to a new semester but 3 days down, I seriously doubt has been anything good so far... What was going to be a "joie de vivre" has turned into sheer pain, bad luck, and frustration. If only any of my readers were with me right now would they be able to fathom my wretched state!!!

What started off with an evening in citywalk mall ended up in a night of drinking and long drive and reminiscing the old "drunk" days and nights... so far so good... What came next was a sleep deprived day, a hangover I've never experienced earlier, not even the one I had after the "Drinking-between-the-minors----back-fucking-drunk-night", a SPLITTING headache and an upset stomach... so far so good again.. after all, i brought this on myself right? No one asked me to drink all night, sleep at 4 in the morning and get up at 6 after that just to go for a walk (yeah, i've decided to get up every morning at 0600 hrs to go for a walk to bring my screwed up 'back', back in shape). Thanx to the heat, and the classes and other 'official' work, I could not sleep all day again... Still, I was not cribbing - all my doing!!! Irritated, tired, and cursing everything around me, I somehow managed to go off to sleep that night.

The day after that I got up at 6 again and went for a walk (I'm telling you, its not a one day enthu.. I WILL get up every morning)... came back and tried to sleep for 2 hrs but I owe those 2 no-sleep hrs to all sorts of crazy, whacky, utterly useless, non sense dreams that I had which I don't even remember right now. The headache after that made me want to lodge a bullet in someone's balls!!!

A shower is supposed to make your headache better, but not when the water supply goes off and you have shampoo on your head and soap all over your body and a brain racking headache. "A drop after drop fills up a sea" but not when you have a class in 20 minutes and soap seeping into your eyes. Somehow I managed to wash the shampoo and soap off my body (which included asking some unknown guy in the next cubicle to close his water tap so I could get some water in my own!!).

3 courses that I opted for this semester, I didn't get them for I don't know what-fucking-reason. The point is I didn't and if only I had the power, I would rip apart the UG section people limb from limb. Buhloody God forsaken sons of fucking horny whory trampy bitches. Deleted my courses for no reason and now they are filled to maximum limit. And now I don't know how the mother-fucking-hell am I going to complete my credits without screwing up my back (like it was any better than the uberfucked state it already is in). 3 days and some shitty, futile, good for nothing courses later, finally I have managed to fit some courses into my time table.

Enough frustration for today I guess. Just get me a BEER someone!!!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Maa kharid bhi lo ab pleeeeaseee!!!

Ever been for shopping with your mom? Okay maybe you have... But have you ever been for shopping with your mom when "she" is shopping? Believe you me, it's an ordeal at the end of which you'll feel like hitting your head hard on the wall !!!

"Maa, are you not u sick of wearing salwar suits? You've been wearing them for what, since ever!!! Kuchh toh change karo!!!". And so began the daily go-buy-a-jeans-and-a-top-no-way-i-won't sessions when finally my dad gave maa an ultimatum that if she won't go shop today, he won't eat lunch (yeah, I know its lame but I guess moms get emotionally blackmailed by such stuff.. you can't really expect dads to give the standard bollywoodish if-you-won't-i'll-leave-this-house-and-go-to-my-mom's-place dialogue, now can you?). Mom gave in finally and dad called masi to "help" mom shop (it was her first time buying anything but suits and sarees you see) - thank god for that else I probably would have left her at the showroom and come back home!!

Okay tell me frankly... how much time does it take you to buy a pair of jeans and some shirts? I'd say 30 minutes tops... So the first 30 minutes were fine (coz well, I was myself buying a shirt and a jeans for me). The next 30 minutes were spent trying to convince her that she actually was looking good in them. So she bought a jeans and a top. (Finally, I said to myself). I'm generally a very patient man when it comes to a female companion shopping... I give my honest opinions about how she's looking, about what to buy and what to not, and I quietly tag along to every store she wants to go to and as many clothes she wants to put on (Indirectly ladies, I'm trying to say I'm a good boyfriend material ;D ). But I digress.

Getting back to the glass seat outside the trial room (I had a bad feeling it might break if I sit on it but the fact that I'm writing this post confirms that it did not!!). But since masi had come all the way leaving my 11 month old niece at home, she was bound to buy something for her as well. She wanted to check out some stuff for my niece at a store called "Sweet Child of Mine"... Okay, I'll sit at Costa while you shop... 30 minutes more spent drinking "Blended coffee" and playing Knights of Honor on my phone!! (Its a stupid lame-ass game but I had nothing btr to do). "Can we go now? Please?". "Yeah lets". But ladies are ladies you see... "Oh CTC Plaza... I need to buy some suits as well". "There we goooo!!".

You know what's the worst part about going for shopping with women?? It's not the seemingly endless amount of time they take to choose stuff.. It's not even the unlimited number of things they try on. But that they'll spend an hour at a store, trying out every possible thing they can and STILL END UP NOT BUYING ANYTHING at the end of it because supposedly either the print would not be good, or the material would not be to good, or the design would be too old, or it would not be worth the price et al. So, after 28 minutes and 53 seconds at CTC Plaza (I got a call the moment she entered the showroom and luckily I was still on the phone when she got out, hence the exact time), she came out empty handed, but considering my "cool and patient" nature, all I said was "Are you kidding me? Half an hour and you come out without buying anything??". Pretending to not hear me, the two women entered another showroom. Yes brothers and ladies, another showroom!!! Pity those guys at ladies' garment's stores who spend their entire day opening and folding clothes again and again only to find that te customer buys nothing at the end of everything... But then I guess they'd be pretty used to it...

What ensued after entering this showroom called Penny Lane frustrated me to the core. Penny Lane - what kind of a looser-ish name is that anyways!!! "Could you please check if they have plain black T's in Small size at Levi's and Penny Lane?? My dog tore my favorite black T.. That bitch!!!" says Miss Chatter Box on the phone... "Haan bas isi ki kami thi"... "Pliz pliz na".. Fine!!! "How sweet.. thankyou soo much"... After going through 2 showrooms and describing all types of plain black tops that were there (unluckily, Penny Lane had too many), I was in no position to help maa and masi with their shopping... "What the hell are you doing with me if you had to be on the phone the whole time and not help me??".. "I don't know, you tell me maa!! Okay sorry... What now??".. "Help me pick out stuff"... This time it took them an hour to select 3 tops for her with a few telephonic do-you-have-any-plans-of-coming-back-today-or-not interruptions by dad...

Son of a bitch Murray... From 2-5 in third set to 5-5... Arsehole!!!

Finally, we came back home.. But that was not all my dear friends... Bhabhi was called in the evening to confirm that she was indeed looking good in those clothes - As if 3 people who already did tell her that a hundred times were naught but fools... Followed by another hour and a half of trying on everything and re-trying until she was finally convinced herself!! Phew!!!

The point I'm trying to make here is that it'll never be possible for us men to understand why it is nigh impossible for women to just go into a store, pick out stuff whatever you like without pondering over what to buy and what not to and scrutinize each and every inch of th garment piece. But then I guess these are the few things that make a women what she is... So, I suggest let it be and you too try converting yourself into this calm and patient co-shopper or a tag-along shoppper when you are going with a woman... It'll take time and self restraint but I'm sure you'll indeed come through one day - I HAVE!!!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Nostalgia... 3 Glorious Years

Three years is a verry looong time... But time passes at the speed of light in IIT... Here are a few of the moments of those three years which will remain inscribed in my memory for years to come...

Disclaimer: Explicit content... Read further only if you are 18

The pathetic performance during fuccha events; the crying after that :'(
Shampoo karna hai yaar....
Abey yaar... yeh beer thodi hai, paani hai paani
Socials; the dance; the sneaking out; the endless chats
Daily smokes outside VC
Daily thali at Shefali
"Let's go to VC".. "I'm not walking all the way to SDA".. "Bus se chalte hain".. "Shit, Rs.200 ka hookah?? nai yaar, main nai le raha".. "Fuck you, saale tujhe kya laga, mere daddy ka hai VC?!?!"
Ma, i need the pre-paid number... Everybody keeps using my post-paid and m really sick of it now (Can u think of a btr way to change from post to pre-paid so ur parents can't keep a check on your phone bills?)
Dad, I need cash... Huh? what abt the 2k i gave you last week? ... Ummm...Errr...
Happy's pipe
Insti Roof
Drunk at insti roof
Ma, I need an ATM card.. can't keep taking money from you every week.. someone stole 1k from my wallet yesterday.. can't keep so much cash with me (Haha... the on the spot excuses i come up with!!)
Dude, don't mouth fag, you'll get mouth cancer... What the hell's mouth fagging?... Take the smoke "in", watch me.. Ahh!!
Dope; more dope; even more dope; Fuk it, this is bad shit.. 4 joints and nothing.. I'm leaving!!.. (An hour later) Damn, I'm sweating.. something is compressing me from inside.. I'm gonna die.. HELP!!
Old monk; Hooligan Dance;
Aur beta... kaunsi pariyon ko le ke ghoom rahe ho?? huh? WTF!!! get a life!
Pulse... Pathetic crowd! dirty, sweaty dancing all night; at least 1 physical fight everytime;
Keede ke ghar ka khana;

Me: saale kabhi toh kaam kar liya kar lab mei
Keeda: Abey le lenge na sample kisi se.. kya zarurat hai

FX sux... KLS was much better...
Nai yaar.. sassi nai jana... itna traffic.. dhool mitti... choohe!!!

Me: Dekha?? bola tha sample kharab ho jayega, dhang se kaam kar.. kar diya na sample ka game!!
Keeda (throws the sample in the dustbin after 3 hours of heating, stirring and more stirring)
Me: Son of a fuckin horny trampy whory bitch!! What the fuck did you do that for?
Keeda: What? you said its a useless sample!!!
Me: Speechless!!!!!!!!!!

SDA kulche chane

15 days of intense shopping every time beginning of semester
I'm breaking up with her... This is the 15th time you're saying it... Nai yaar, this time for sure; I'm meeting her tmrw, kal hi bas.. (Next Day) Kar liya break up? Haan yaar, kar toh liya tha but then had sex and patch up ho gaya.. LOSER...
Career Launcher
Beer after Career Launcher
"Vision, Passion and Success"
Lifestyle Prelims
Broken Back

Brokeback Mount"Him"
Gupta and "Blind" love.. literally...
Godbole, Mutthhi, Lala
Bombay intern
Herpes Zoster Opthalmicus
Baby and Tara
Catching Studapa mas**rb****ng... Whole hostel watching him!!!
Lamba and Blackie; Lamba and Bhuts: Lamba and Dogra
Gupta and D. De
Game ho gaya yaar
Count hi lete rahe jaoge tum har saal
LAN ka koi porn toh chhod de saale

Appu Ghar
Cafe Rendezvous ---> Cafe Panchsheel
Is baar toh jeet rahe hain baawa... count dekho tum count...
Puppy ki baat baat pe lena
Mystique Heights
Glasses todna
Intern nai lag rahi hai kahin bhi.. thuki padi hai
Catching Vishu with hand inside undy.. porn on laptop!!!
Rape Rape Rape!!!
Mess worker's colony
Mess workers ki beti

Photocopies hi photocopies
Catching Vishu for the second time with hand inside undy, porn on on laptop!!
Room toh band kar leta chu@#$%
Tuition padhate hain yaar
Mezz... Mezz again...
Drunk driving
CNG station
Music Manoranjan
More bakchodi
Never ending Bakchodi
Five point someones

CG se kuchh nai hota, kya karega padh ke... extra cirrics sudharo
Minor ke liye padh liyo... I'm sitting behind you...
Fraud hai saala
Bikes chain hone wali hain, hostel mei mat lagana

DG(catching me playying games on my iPhone): What the hell are you doing? I see you with that thing in my class again, it'll be your last one. Trying to show off your new gadget huh?
Me: Maam, I've had it for over
6 months now... Done with the showing off long back!!!

Abey tameez se kha liya kar yaar
Kitni books padhega? Mar jayega ek din
Almost everyday running to class to get attendance;
Entering from back (crawling on all fours) at the end during attendance;
Bhiwadi Bho&@#$
Roadie Putra
More beer
Imported Dunhill
(Knock on door) "Unnamed?? Unnamed yaar sutta de de". {Pretending to be asleep} (15 minutes later) "Guptaaa?? chal yaar sutta maarte hain... neend nai aa rahi"
Stolen maggi
Sassi... paranthe...
Chai? Pagal hai kya?... Try it once... Damn this is good
OH FUKK... chooha tha yahan... I'm never eating at this place again... (Cud not stay away for more than 15 days)
Poltu and more poltu
Mummy aaj inhone mujhe zabardasti porn dikhaya.. Dean ko complaint karo please
AWHHH!!! room band kar ke kiya kar chu!@#$... din mei kitni baar maarega!!

DG: You're 20 minutes late.. get out
Me: Maam.. I'm coming from home... from gurgaon.. traffic jam
DG: not my fault.. you should have left early

Me: Maam, how could I have forseen a truck toppling over!!
DG: Fine! last time
Keeda: Saale, kitna jhooth bolega.. On the spot kaise itne super ideas le aata hai?? Room D 65 Aravali hostel gurgaon mei shift ho gaya kya?

High jumps over the chair
Neemrana trip; Vindy raped upside down!!
Hansu incident, Poltu season 1

Campus Security: What are you doing with fucchas? Complaint aayi hai you were ragging... naam do sab apne and ID cards bhi..
All of us: Are you freaking mad?? guard ke saa
mne baith ke ragging lenge hum?
Campus Security: Naam do apne... that's it
All of us: nahi denge
Fuccha: Sir aapko samajh nai aa rahi humari ragging nahi ho rahi hai... hum khud baithe hue hain yahan pe.. aapko kya problem hai...
(after 10 minutes) Lamba: Ga!@# maar dunga saalon ki.. chhodunga nahi chu!@#$% ko

Garment technology class
DG: Nikunj, Sharad... get up and sit in the front.. you will not be sitting together in my class
Next Class
DG: PHIR SE?? wot did i tell you in the last class? get up.. sit here on the first bench

Chhod na yaar.. presentation hi toh hai.. ek ghanta pehle bana lenge...
Height of fraud!!
Nesci between labs
Keeda and his insatiable hunger
Cricket in baski court

Stud_launda and gyming
Kha kha ke phat jayega ek din
Saradwa guitarist
Ugliest holi ever
Drink Drink Drink after every minor
Footy in wing
Fire extinguisher in the ass during summers (not kidding.. ask anyone)
Buzzer rounds
Jugnu dance
Superman chaddi
Boodhi Jawani
Chingari koi bhadke

Arore.. gaadi ghar chhod de yaar... minor 2 bhi thukwayega kya?
India gate
Rating the girls
Poltu fights
Tum ladke nai ho yaar.. launde ho launde...
Ab tumhe kya set karna hai.. tumhara toh pata hi hai apni side aaoge
Pool @ Malviya nagar
awwhhhhh...DARN!!! saale kabhi toh naha liya kar... kyon naak ke baal jala raha hai
Wind t
Call girl?? seriously?? u "that" desperate??
Kallu and cricket!

Gopi and DJ
r u chu@#$%
fuk ho gaya
Hockey and chopda and bimalwa
ohhh fucchhhh
Kitna padgea yaar?? chhod...
Night mess
Smokes from CNG
Bike accident!!!!!!!!
Second accident!!!!!!!!!
Bike phobia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOYEE dheere chala saale!! {Still not slow
ing down} Pleeeasee dheere chala yaar....
Kahin ghoomne chalte hain yaar.. out station..
Lamba and whining about job and CG and everything possible
Beer laun? Neki aur poochh poochh?
Little Punjab
Subway is like a second home to me...
SDA momos
Keede uthh!! Fukkka lag jayegaaa!! UTTTHHHHH!!!
Counter Strike
Keeda: {whispering on phone}Saale bhaag ke aa... proxy pakdi gayi... jaldi aaa... saale.. mar jayenge dono.. proxy pakdi gayi.. bhaaagggg ke aaaa....

(Sem 4, Minor 2, exam 4)
Prof(After taking attendence): Nikunj Jain?? Is nikunj here??
Lamba and me : OH FUKK... (to each other) tune uthaya nahi use??

Minor uda raha hun yaar... re-minor chill hota hai...

CYP 100
Prof: Get out.. test started 20 minutes back.. you're late
Me: Maam I was in the hospital whole night... a friend was sick.. stomach ache.. was with him
Prof: Really? what was the name of the student?
Me: Ankit Gupta

Prof: Doc?
Me: Don't remember
Prof: Which ward?
Me: Don't remember
Prof: Fine I'm calling the hospital.. lets find out how your friend is doing..
Me: Sorry Maam.. was lying.. please don't call
Prof: Get out

Vegas baby!!
Strip club etiquettes
Do you tip the stripper or are the rates fixed
? Lets find out online...
Duhoode, save the pages... we'll need to g thru them before we go there

Yaar kitni baar bola hai apne room mei ek lighter rakh liya kar mere liye
Room thok diye kutton ne
Pebble Street
Tarun's Flat
Maaro maaro maaro...

Ise bhi pakad lo aaj
Gang rape
Paap ka ghada
Dedh Sau (150) baar
Sutte chhupa ke ja raha hun... Don't tell Gupta or anyone else...
Teen patti
Tv Series
More Tv Series
Tune das rupey liye the... waapis kar
No freshers events... WTF!
Mallaya and his uberfucked funde

Shouting at full volume "Fuck Bhen!@#$" in the wing at any random time when nothing better to do
Movies movies movies
Sutte chhupa.. chussu aa raha hai

P.S. Thanx to Miss R U Mad for the brilliant idea to compile 3 years in such a concised manner...

Monday, June 22, 2009

Random stuff...

Something has seriously gone wrong with me. There was a time when I used to finish a book in a week.. now it takes me months altogether... I've been trying to read "The Fountainhead" for over 3 years now still not been able to finish it. I don't understand what is so good about it anyways... I have at least 11 unread or half-finished novels lying with me which I bought but could never get myself to read them or found something much more interesting to watch on TV and left it in between...

Met Miss R U Mad today for a drink (Yes I know her name was changed to You Are Definitely Mad but that's too big a name to type so I shall revert back to calling her R U Mad) and frankly, I didn't find her "weird and annoying" < :P > ... Actually I like people who can go on and on talking about just anything coz I have this huge problem of coming up with topics to talk about on my own so I prefer it if someone can take charge and talk and talk. I can continue a topic but its very difficult for me to start a new new and after sometime I'll be like "Aur tello, what else is up" which gets pretty annoying at times...

Anyways we went to Mojo in DT, City Centre, and it was pretty shady to tell you the truth... I've been there once before but that was long back.. I don't like the place but its decently priced and there was Happy Hours going on so I didn't really mind it. The three of us were the only ones sitting in the entire pub... Actually, there was another couple which was there as well for some time. "Why do couples have to sit on the same side of the table? Why can't they sit opposite to each other like normal human beings? It looks like a train compartment" :D "Well, she can't put her head on his shoulder otherwise".. "Ohho... toh ghar ja ke karein na"... True actually... I don't really like PDA and I find people who do it very "ewww, get a room guys" types... Miss R U Mad got a friend along.. the poor girl must have gotten soo bored.. she didn't say a word in the whole 3 hour long conversation that the 2 of us had...

Too bad Nadal is not playing this time in Wimbledon.. I would have loved to see him being beaten by Federer just one more time.. The cabrĂ³n is out due to a knee injury I guess... It wouldn't be all that glorious when Federer wins if he didn't have to defeat Nadal.. But well, who cares as long as he's winning right?

Mom just got me Ice cream.. yaayyy... Who doesn't love Ice-cream? Specially mango over vanilla... yumm... my bro just tried to snatch it away from me after he finished his own.. the Cantankerous hag!! Well, no, not really that... But I just learned this new abuse today so I thought I'll put it in.. Come to think of it, he IS a cantankerous hag!!!

I'm planning to start studying finally for my MBA entrances... I've been telling me that for over 4 months now but something or the other crops up and I just can't get myself to start... There's TV, there's laptop, new movies coming out everyday, meeting friends, facebook, chatting on the phone, Miss Chatterbox cribbing about her love life and break up and me explaining the same thing to her "Every single day"... etc.. I'm sure you get the idea how busy life is... how to find time for studying amidst all this right?

I don't think I've mentioned Miss Chatterbox ever before... Okay she's 2 and a half years younger to me and she's this really sweet but highly insecure, immature kid (She's 19, what else do you expect) who's had a bad experience with relationships and has just come out of one and well, I'm the only sensible, mature and rational guy she knows (I know, thank you thank you)... so my days and nights are spent on the phone with her trying to explain to her that all guys that she's known are assholes and that "I told you an year and a half back that this guy wasn't good for you, but just no one listens to me!!!!!"... It's amazing how her brain functions you know... the weird, useless, absolutely brain rattling stuff that she can think of when she's sad and depressed... what if this and what if that...Phew!!! But she's a sweetheart and it hurts me to see her like that... enough said...

I think the whole facebook addiction is beginning to wear off now... It's boring and frustrating these days... Just WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY do people have to take soooo many quizzes everyday and post them on their profile for EVERY-FUCKIN'-BODY to see on their home page!! I mean who the fuck gives a damn to "What buhloody middle earth creature were you in previous life" and "What sex position are you" and "What swear word are you".... It is sooo pissing off to see my home page full of these quiz results and I'm tired of hiding them and the people who just can't seem to get a life and stop taking these quizzes and posting their results... and then there is Miss R U Mad who never misses out on an oppurtunity to make me read her quiz results and copies them and sends them to me on gchat so that I don't miss them out on my facebook page!! IRRI-BUHLOODY-TATING!!!!

Enough for today I suppose... I promise I won't take this long to write again... Ciao...

Friday, June 19, 2009

Happy Twenty Two To You!

What do you do when you have to celebrate someone's birthday in the hostel? Well, you get a scotch, you get vodka, lots of beers, lots of smokes (not for myself), and lots of chicken and you drink all night until you pass out... When you wake up finally, at night you go out with a few close friends of yours for a nice, decent dinner where you "DO NOT DRINK" and that's about it... That's how I've been celebrating birthdays for the last 3 years at least.

So, when a very dear friend of yours asks you to do something special for her bday, what do you do? (She btw has her gtalk status set as "Miss Perfect_Wife_Material wants her friends to do something very very special for her bday"). "Special"??? Seriously?? Well, We could surprise you by coming to your place at 12 in the night, but then, I don't really know if your parents would like it... and besides, I doubt I'll be able to drive for another 3 months and the other two lame-asses I'll be coming with, well they can't drive either...

What else? What else? How the hell do I make your bday a special one with you giving me a time constraint of 4 hours and a venue constraint as well - "Ambience Mall"??? What kinda loser wants her bday to be celebrated at Ambience Mall huh??? [:P :P] But considering it's you, it didn't really surprise me... So, all we can think of is to get you a yummy cake, take you to a very expensive restaurant (which you will pay for, obviously), and give you a whole mall to choose a gift for yourself ('Eyes popped' at that huh?? I know)

And dedicate this post to you as well wishing you a very very very happy birthday and pray to God that you get all that you wish for and deserve. I've already said this many a times before but I'd like to repeat that you are the most rational, practical, mature, sensible, responsible, loving, caring, hard working girl in my life. Life would not have been the same without you. Thank you soooooo much for being there. No words are sufficient enough to let you know what you mean to me. Hope you do great in whatever you do. Love ya always! God Bless! [ <3 <3 ]

Although I'm writing this post a day in advance, but you will get to know about it only after the "ambience mall" plans turn into a complete failure coz well, NRI thinks we'll ruin the surprise if we let you know we are getting you a cake {Huh??? Getting a cake for someone's bday is a surprise??? I thought that was a un-premeditated fact (if that's even a word)} - LAME, but she's your best friend so expect nothing less from her!!! And failure, since two 'almost' 22 year olds don't know how to make someone's bday a "special" one when actually that'll be your fault for giving us so many constraints but since it's your day, we'll gladly take all the blame and criticism that comes our way!!!

Monday, June 8, 2009

A Visit to the DOC!!

After almost 3 months of being at home with a spinal injury, and it not getting any better, I finally gave in to my mother's consistent demands of me visiting an accupressure/magnetotherapy specialist. I had been arguing with her for 2 months that I wont go for accupressure et al since its of no use and such things don't work, but when my cousin, who had a similar problem some time back, insisted that I go visit this doctor who he had been to, and also said that his condition had improved considerably, I had no choice but to give in.

Doc : "Since when have you had this problem?"
Me : "Around 4 months now"
Doc : "OMG! You should have come to me long back"
Mother : "Seee... I TOLD you... (To the Doc)I've been telling him the same thing for so long but he just doesn't listen to me"

This one hour is going to suck big time, I say to myself.

After 20 "Extremely painful" minutes of some wooden shit being pierced into my body at every location possible and a lot of "mental" oooh's and aaah's and ouch's, she asks me "What is your diet these days. Start from breakfast to dinner and tell me in detail" while placing lots of electrodes on different areas of my back, buttocks and leg. And I think "What are you? My Mom???" followed by "Well, since I get up at 11 in the morning...." and before I could finish what I was trying to tell her she says "Morning? 11 am is morning according to you? Anyways, continue". Wow! These sessions are going to be reeaalll fun dude.. Enjoy!! says the voice in my head. Yup, there's this crazy voice in my head that has been hauting me for at least 10 years now; it kinda sounds like chip and dale - the Disney cartooon chip and dale (the chipmunks), I'm sure you must have seen it; I think they call it "a conscience". In my case, I call it the "stupid, irritating, always telling me what I don't want to hear, good for nothing, crappy, snappy, voice", but that's just me....

Anyways, ignoring the voice, I continued. "So I have a glass of milk when I get up, and then I have 2 chapatis for lunch an-----". Interruption again, this time by my mother!
"He doesn't have any fruits, no green vegetables, no salad. You tell him, he'll listen to you" -- "Hey, I DO have salad" and then to myself "What makes you think I will listen to her???". "Well, not as much as you should have". The doc says "It's okay, let him continue"... Ahhh, the Doc's not that bad afterall, I think. "Yeah, so then I have something to eat during the evening, some biscuits, lassi maybe, and then one or two chapatis for dinner, depending on how hungry I am".
"And I thought children today were literate enough to understand the importance of a balanced diet. How old are you? 21 you say? Haven't you been taught how important are nutrients for the body? Don't you read newspapers? Magazines? There is so much awareness about all of this these days!!".... "Whoa Whoa Whoa lady! I have a mother and father at home to give me a lecture about this everyday, and you would only hope that I would listen to them, so don't even bother starting!!" --- No, unfortunately, I did not (rather, could not) say it to her. I sat there like a little girl unable to say anything. But she did not stop there. "From tomorrow onwards, you will get up at 8 everyday; (To my mom) Wake him up everyday at 8, make him go for a walk, give him a glass of milk and some gooseberries washed with water (WTF!!!!!) and some almonds... Then after an hour, give him some light breakfast (ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????) and then give him lots of fruits and salad and curd with lunch, some blah blah blah....".

By the time she finished talking about lunch, my brain was about to explode with all the rants that the voice in my head had been giving me from the time she mentioned that I was supposed to get up at 8 and have gooseberries and I had become deaf by then (Gooseberry is english for "amla" btw, for those of you who did not know what it is. I read it off the huge box that my mom just bought from the market which was followed by a great deal of shouting and angry retorts from both sides). When finally I was able to get back to the real world around me, I realized that she was onto what I should "NOT" be having now, which included "dal makhni", "rajma rice", "chana" and a few other things after that that I cant remember coz the voice was back by the time she said rajma rice. She also added that I should not watch TV with my neck raised coz it'll lead to cervical as well!!! Great! No more late night chats, no more late night matches, and to top it all, no more of good food and TV!! Why don't you chain me up and put me in a 6 feet by 6 feet cell? (Add an AC to that please... It's fkn hot)

Finally, the beep in the machine told us that it was time and I thanked my stars for that. "So, what time tomorrow? Shall we keep it at 8.30 am?". "Kill me God... Kill me coz I can't take it any more". "Can we keep it sometime in the evening please?". "Let me check. Ummm, fine, lets keep it for 5 then. But that does not mean you will not get up early from tomorrow". If only I could imagine the jubilation my mother must have been feeling at that time.

P.S.: Moral of the story - 1. Never go to a doc with your Mom.
2. Never go to a Accupressure specialist.
On a serious note - Never get you back broken!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 6, 2009


Well, I tried to think of a title for this post but all I could come up with was "-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*"...... After not having written for around 3 days for the lack of coming up with a topic, I thought maybe this is it... Maybe I've exhausted all that I had to/could write because I'm having a lot of trouble finding a topic to write on and as I've mentioned earlier, I'm not one who can write what I'm feeling at the time. I need random topics to write on, something that does not involve feelings... But then I thought of this female who's blog I've been following for a few days since I have nothing better to do... She's been blogging for over 6 years and for last 2 years she has been a regular blogger (no wonder she has a degree in writing)... I came across her blog in the "Blogs of note" section in which I think they choose a blog every weekday probably on the basis of the number of followers they have, popularity, frequency of updating, something like that... She's 26, married and her blog is very interesting... no, I'm not talking about the content.. the content is mostly about her daily life, her husband, etc etc.. girly stuff... but I'm talking about the way she writes, and how she can come up with topics to write on everyday.. its also amazing to see her blog having over 500 followers... So basically, for those of you who did not lose track of what I said in the last few lines, and who still have the patience and time left to continue, what I'm trying to convey here is that reading her blog gave me the motivation to come up with this...

I don't think I've ever been this passionate about anything, as I am about writing except for driving.. Okay, "passionate" about writing is probably too big a word, but I'm loving it... and being able to write 12 posts (some of them pretty huge) in less than 20 days (actually 13, but I took off one of those after keeping it there for more than a day since I realized it was too lame and stooopid) is a very very big achievement for me... In case you remember, I started my blog with the post titled "My inability to write".. so I'm pretty sure you can understand. Only problem is that my life is not happening/exciting/interesting as of now unlike Tova Darling (The female I told you about, she calls herself Tova Darling - anonymous blog because her mother-in-law revealed that she had been following it regularly and she realized that Tova was a narcissistic brat who did not deserve her son so she had to shut down her blog and started a new one... not that it matters to me or to you, so lets just call it "Totally useless information of the day".

Also, I just realized I've been writing pretty big sentences and had I been in your place, I probably would have left reading the post in between by now and done something much more productive and creative, but hey, that's just me (Also, I'm lying big time when I say I would rather do something much more productive and creative because frankly all I do the whole day is sit in a bed with my laptop and television and that's about it) but we'll come back to my boring, suck all, waste of a life later on.

This post was actually meant for describing my useless existence these days but since I've already pakaofied you enough, I'll keep it for some other time. One last thing I'd like to add is that NRI is finally back from wherever she was for the past one year, and I met her today (Also met Sunshine, Wife_Material, and Mr_Pilot, and Mr_Pilot revealed that he's been following my blog on a regualar basis - so here's to you for letting me know that you too have a pretty much trivial existence these days [:D] ), and she gave me loads and loads of kisses (Don't get all excited; I'm talking about Hershey's), and I had a lot of fun - a much needed break from my monotonous life- which makes me realize I've come up with another very long sentence which even I might not be able to understand if I read it so it would not amaze me if you could make nothing out of it... And this is where I get back to watching the India vs Bangladesh match... Catch ya all pretty soon with a description of my unessential life... Till then Chao!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Get A Life People!!!

Disclaimer : After a few misinterpretations of this post, people perceiving it as "Look at us, we are IITians and we rule the world", I would like to inform everyone that { howsoever right that may be :D } that wasn't the intention of this post... It's not to mock at those who are not IITians... and in the post when I mention non-IITians anywhere, it does not imply all those who are so.. only those who like to crib about how sad IIT and IITians are, and those who like to comment on us and criticize us.... and also to tell them that "We are what we are.. and we don't give a damn to what you think about us"... Proud - yes... Rude - at times.. Arrogant - No Way!! And not that it matters to me what you think about us, but I read this article few days bk in which the writer thrashes Atheists and how fake and miserable they are etc etc, and I got vry inspired by it and I thought of writing one about people who criticize us for no rhyme or reason...

So here it goes...

What is it that we IITians have that makes others so very jealous/insecure/under confident that causes them to pass judgments about us? Why is it that almost every non-IITian or the "Less fortunate" as I like to call them tends to make this unique weird image about us in their screwed up heads?

"You seem to be pretty cool for an IITian, quite unexpected".
"But don't you like study all day and all night long?".
"You're lying.. You can't get so much free time to do all that you're saying you do.. afterall you're an IITian".
"Eww, IITians are so desperate"

Go fuck yourself in the eye, I'd say.... Just because we have a much higher IQ than the "less fortunate" of you out there, and just because we have managed to clear the toughest exam in the world and you couldn't, does not give you the right to blab whatsoever you want to about us elite class.... Freedom of speech, you say? Go fuck yourself in the eye for the second time, we say... :D

Agreed there would come at least one point in every IITian's life when one would think that probably life would have been better had we been in any other college but for IIT... but then when you sit and think about it, given the oppurtunity, no one would trade his/her life with a DUite for example... Agreed we don't party that much and maybe our social circle does become limited to some extent but we love our life... and we can proudly say our life (both present and future) is at least 10 times better and secured than yours is... we get more vacations than you do... we go out (if not more than you, then at least equivalent to what you do...)... and it's not like we don't party.. trust me, we do... but we consider our time to be much more valuable than you losers out there to waste it on partying every night of the week... agreed we don't have mass bunks, coz lets face it, we have a few losers in IIT as well, who as we like to say, "got in IIT by climbing over the ber sarai wall :D ", but we bunk classes.. we bunk classes more than you out there and I'm not lying when it comes to that... And as far as IITians being desperate is concerned - Alright, fine, I'll give you that, some of them are.... poor creatures....

Another misconception that people have about us is that we study a lot - MY ARSE!!! Of the 4 minors and 2 majors that we have in a year, the total time spent by an IITian (excluding the good for nothing, professor's ass licking, maggu dickheads) on studying is approximately 26 days in the whole year - Hows that for a blow huh!

Maybe non-IITians would not be so unpopular if they stopped beating the drum until the hides split on their favourite topic of "IITian bashing". And the reason for that is that they feel uneducated, which they are; often rather stupid, which they are; inferior, which they are; and paranoid about us highly intellectual IITians looking down on them, which as a matter of fact, we do!!!!

So, in a nutshell, we enjoy as much as you do, we study much less than you do, we get more vacations than you do, we bunk more than you do, AND we still end up with much much better careers than you... Isn't that interesting now? Yeah we are not allowed to keep vehicles inside the campus, but ask us how many of us stil do... Yes, we don't smoke with our professors and inside the classrooms and we are not stoned half the time, but you seriously call that life? We choose to differ on that... I'd say your life could not be more fucked up than it already is, and that its high time you need some self introspection... if you spent half the time looking at your own life and how screwed up its turned out to be instead of having misconceptions/passing comments/making judgments about us, there is a slight chance that you might end up like us as well (although I doubt that could be possible) ... and seriously "Get a life people!!!"

Sunday, May 31, 2009

You... Yes, You... YOU made it happen! - PART 1

Welcome to Sharad's list of You Made it Happen... The following is a collection of people or situations that made things happen (or unhappen) - things that I particularly don't like... So, its basically my way of cursing random people/situations/instances that made shit happen that directly or indirectly affected my life or even if doesn't affect me but it frankly sucks...

Disclaimer : I'll try to make it as direct as possible... I will direct it straight to people (Don't worry I'll change the names) but it is my sincerest hope that you DO get offended by it. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is one hundred percent INTENTIONAL. So, read it at your own risk. For those of you who do read it and are able to identify the character or are able to relate to the situation, please do make the person who is directly related to it/responsible for it, read it.

After giving it much thought, I still haven't been able to decide on the format of this post.. whether to blame the person for the situation, or to blame the situation for what the person has become.. So I'll just write whatever comes to my mind in whatever sequence and in whatever way... Also, the post will be divided in to parts since I don't think 'll be able to cover up everything tonight... and the things mentioned are not in order of importance.. they're based on what comes up in my messy head first and what comes after...

So lets unleash the monster (As remarked by Keeda - "I know I have unleashed a monster" - LMAO)

Eto'o and Messi : Had you bastards not scored those two fukd up goals, Man United could have won the Champion's League again!

Drogba and Lampard : You are the buhloody reason Chelsea won the FA cup final -Damn you both to hell !!

Mahatma Gandhi : Had the loser not withdrawn the Non Cooperation movement, India probably could have won its independence some 27 years before it did and we Indians could probably have been not living in the shithole that India is as of now!! Father of the nation - MY ARSE!!!

Roadie_Ki_Aulaad : Although I know he isnt directly responsible for it but I blame the son of a chimp for making me do those high jumps which fucked up my back permanently... Mfsob!!! though he can also be blamed for much bigger and dumber things too.

The doctor responsible for Keeda's birth : The fucker must have dropped Keeda coz that seems to be the only plausible explanation for Keeda's obsession with reading all sorts of crappy good for nothing books.. So yes, You Doctor, YOU made it happen (for I know if I blame somebody else the ass hole will get offended)!! You are the reason for the screwed up brain of his... :P

ASES Stanford trip 2008 : To make Mallaya into what he is today.. for converting his not so uberfucked thinking into the what it is today... The "Oh dear God, kill me before making me listen to him again" reaction by everyone around him is a proof of that... That one week trip fucked up his brain so much so that everyone in insti knows who Mallaya is and people are actully scared of what he might come up with next... its fun though to listen to him in lectures and the kind of super fucked up super pseudo intellectual shit that he comes up with having absolutely no relation to what the prof is asking or what is being taught in class... great entertainment in the otherwise dull good for nothing pathetic lectures... The jackass thinks on a complete different level, the frequency of which will probably never match with us mortals... only problem is that that level and the shit that takes place on it will make any (and even not so) sensible person cry and beg for mercy so as to not listen to him...

Rat Bastard : You are the loser solely responsible for fucking 2 years of my dearest sweethrt's life! I hope you rot in hell for all the shit you have done in this waking life of yours!

The following is being written by Keeda with a few minor corrections/additions by me at 5.25 am after after waking up the entire night being completely drunk at Puppy's flat.... Another night to remember I tell you and will go into my recording of A bit too drunk, a little crazy collection of posts... You'll be seeing that post being updated throughout the next year at least, provided I'm still vella enough to continue blogging...

Hitler : had the screwed up junkie incenerated all the dumb jews few years back and bombed London to debris may be this rotten godforsaken country of mine would have been let off by the wealth sucking greedy britishers a few years back.

Newton : what the fuck on earth did the stinking filthy shithead gain by sitting under that unintellingent tree and blaming a mystical gravitational force for his psychotic fuck all thinking acquired by a wound on the head

Einstein : when it comes to shear frustration this is the purest of all, who on earth cared or would have ever cared to dig out an unimportant foolish and completely insignifiacnt relation between mass and energy and even if somebody cared about it why didn't the above mentioned Hitler incinerate them all along with him. To hell with all the fuck all contributions and inventions and discoveries made by the loser... screwed up my 21 and half years of god forsaken living life!!!

I'll be back to continuing the post... any comments and suggestions are most welcome... Yeah, you can write them on a piece of paper and shove them up ur ass for all I care....