My inability to write, among other things

For the past few years I have had this strong urge to write something, anything, a diary, a blog, just come out with my feelings... It's not like I haven't tried, trust me, I have.. quite a lot of times, everytime leading to either tearing of the pages afterwards or just leaving it in between after staring at the few lines I've written for fifteen minutes.. I have always had this problem of opening up to people, expressing myself. The moment I try to do that, my mind goes blank and I can't come up with any words, the same problem I'm having right now as well. I tend to block all my feelings, bottle them up inside me, which I guess is the reason I have felt the need to write, to express myself, to take it all out, which again takes us back to the problem I described above - no words come to me.. And so I went to a friend yesterday with this problem and she suggested I write, anything, even my inability to write.. So i figured, what the hell, lets just try once.. and so, here's the crap that I've managed to come up with so far.. And as I write this, Federer has just managed to defeat Nadal in the madrid Open Final (6-4, 6-4) :) and I could not have been happier... I have always wondered how people can write poems - not that i understand any (I'm illiterate when it comes to poetry) - how they can express themselves with their words, write blogs and diaries and it gets me thinking, how simple and easy life would have been had I too had the ability to write, how lighter I would have felt to unload all the feelings I have locked up inside me.. It's been a month and 23 days since I've been on bed now because of some shitty spinal injury and its striking me now how I've wasted all this time sitting online all day long, watching movies and tv and sports when I could have done something constructive, something better, interesting, something that could add value to my life.. come to think of it, I think i've wasted all my life doing nothing when I could have done so much more... I was chatting with a friend of mine a few days back and I was trying to instill some sense into her about the importance of voting and that i don't like her escapist attitude in life, and she tells me "you know what your attitude flaw is?" I ask what, and she says "that you are capable of having much more than you have right now, and that's because you're way too impulsive, you don't think, you just go all out and have fun, and lose out on the precious time in which you could have really worked" and i ask her that isn't life about having fun, about enjoying and she tells me, not at the cost of your future.. Yeah, sounds good, sounds the right kind of advice, but my question here is Who decides what kind of a future is good.. is future all about getting a good grade, a good job, getting into a good B-school, get married and live happily ver after? That's all? Probably....... probably not.. my point here is that ...................... ahh chuck it... i dont know what I'm doing here... and after thinking about it for 23 minutes, (watching a movie and tennis side by side) I can't come up with a point....... all in all I've realized that I better start studying in order to save myself from having a bloated cadaver as a career... Wot a thought, wow, WHAT A THOUGHT!! if only I could implement it!! uff!! What crap! Man, I had no idea I could come up with such rubbish!! and now I'm thinking that it's enough bulshit i've spilled out here and I should probably not write again... Thankyou!!